The Facade Reveals

Moved

2009-12-24T08:56:00.000-08:00

I have changed my blog link.

www.ameyeoh.wordpress.com

Enlighten yourselves.

Raw feelings

2009-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

And I realize even in the circle of friends you have, the ones you usually hang out with, there lies even smaller groups within. People, community, race, gender, duos. We all just can't seem to bind. A fact of life.

I really should stop judging people. Where on earth have I picked this habit from? I also should stop thinking that the world has their backs against me.

I used to be known the peacemaker between a fight. I also received mockery. And now look where I am at. I need to find that gift and begin tolerating.

Parasites are palpable to me now. If only I could kill them instantaneously when the chance was there. Oh how they drain mental intelligence for their own use! Need to be more alert.

On a lighter note, I think I have established my most embarrassing moment. I contemplated between the two. One of which I forgot my lyrics in a singing competition and dashed out of the hall and the other is a granted ability of making people fall asleep when I converse.

I just had to say that.

Level of annoyance: *beep beep*

I must begin to blog about more enlightening things.
I need to live life.

Rants

2009-09-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

I usually refrain from this but...

I have the sudden urge to go bungee jumping.
I need to break out of the usual realms.
I must try something NEW and FRESH!
I want to take risks.
Dare to dream.
Dare to be different.
And when it changes an hour later.
GRRR.

Channeling Confidence

2009-08-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

Imagine the degree of temperamental level to commit an offense. It could root from frustration, anger, self-satisfaction and personal vengeance against an organization. All in all, it takes much willpower to carry it out.

And there you have it; a planned murder which would usually be instigated by human displeasure. But how about unintentional murder? The -oh shit what have I done- expression following subsequently after this act. Besides motive, what circles the mind when both gazes are locked and the gun is pointed directly away from you, reaching into those helpless souls.

Or what if it had been facing the opposite direction. Committing suicide. Jumping off a building, taking a knife and slashing yourself. At that spur of the moment, the thoughts that raced through, able enough to allow such a scene. We have then lost our sanity.

One thing in common is temperamental change, which at large magnitudes can be that negative drive for negative behaviorism. And again, connected to confidence, the level of boldness. Just as seen, you can be scared to kill but the confidant facet reappears once the trigger has been pulled.

Is it truly the outrage of temperamental whirlpools that drive this class of beings to perform such drastic agendas? And then go what have I done. Forgive me.

At those moments we become uncontrollable, indestructible.

Our laws certainly don't permit this.

The Diary of Early Mornings

2009-08-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

So I already feel guilty enough not going to school, unlike others who would kill for my spot.
Its been about a week. Dad says no. I obediently listen. Its dad after all.
Hey, at least I'm taking full responsibility right?

This whole fuss has turned my weekdays in to weekends. In Ames dictionary, weekends=free mornings=breakfast.

And my day absurdly starts at 8.00 with out a doubt. I've tuned into the school momentum and it takes weeks before it wears down. My culinary skills haven't seem to improve one bit really. Talk about limited resources and specific requirements now. Sugar and oil free. Sigh. I guess its just the inspiration that overcasts those skills.

Here begins the journey of inspiration:

Day 1 : Poached eggs and bread.

Poached: The yolk slightly overdone exactly as liked. Is toast bread really that dry?

Day 2 : Sandwich

Subway style: Healthy. Just awesome.

Day 3 : Porridge and dishes
-Had this bought from Hutton Lane. (correct me if I'm wrong) They serve really small dishes and fragrant congee cooked with sweet potato. Only served during weekdays, business catered mainly to customers from 9-5pm jobs

Day 4 : Oats
-It makes feel good when you start of the day healthy.

Bran addict: Learned to adore oats. I usually add fruits, soy milk and raisins.

Day 5 : Frittata and Maggi Mee
-shared between the the other sickling, Mandy.

A Frittata Attempt: Inspired by late nights on AFC, this Italian omelet consists of bread layers and egg mixture.

Self cooked and edible: Technically it should be called Nissin Noodles. Most awesome brand in the market!. I bet you couldn't even realize it was instant. (especially the Tom Yam flavor! note:purple packaging)

Day 6 : Scrambled Eggs and Hor Fan
-I know, weird combo. Actually had the hor fan an hour later, when everyone woke

McD Style: I figured by adding adding milk you could get the similar texture and color of your eggs.

Hor fan: Picture unavailable. Similar to char hor fan, this one has wan tan instead of prawns. Thicker gravy used. Dad says you get them in wan tan mee stalls.

Day 7 : tomorrow.
Planning to whisk up some pancakes. Yes no? We'll see.

Note: Pictures above are not the real shots. What is displayed are the closest pictures I can get to the original sight. Some are just for mere mouth watering illusions. Hah. This way, I can hide my artsy attempts with food.

I could be in a dream.

2009-08-08T06:46:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

HEALTH MATTERS THE MOST!

H1N1 cases are rising with a total of 15 deaths in Malaysia. Fifteen in total from dates 21.07.09 to 7.08.09. Right now in Penang these cases seem to be at the peak level. Practically half of my classmates are down with the flu or fever on the other hand, I'm still on the road to recovery. It will be utterly too late to wait for Septemeber for the vaccines to be produced. Considering the time taken for conducting tests and medical procedures it looks like Malaysia will get its stock and the end of the year. Well like they say the best defense yet is still:the immune system.

The doctor scared the shit out of me. Informing me of the limited mouth swabs able to be sent to the lab, in KL (wonder how true this could get). Tamiflu, an anti viral drug which is prescribed to patients isn't simply distributed to the local dealers or even private hospitals. You'd have to make a trip to the GH. Even then, the medication only works effectively within the first 48 hours. What made it worse was knowing the side effects of the drug to the brain. Evidently seen through the previous outbreak of flu, a high percentage of patients who got diagnosed with Tamiflu portrayed abnormal behavior, even to the extend of committing suicide.

I thought it was just another day, another kind of flu. Being exposed to the severity of this issue, as crazy as it sounds, I prayed for my time. And thereafter, having those -why-am-I-living-moments, experiencing your heart racing involuntarily like a bulldozer. Terrible feeling.

And next you scan your life. Productivity level, achievements, aspirations, goals, character, bonds, and things that make your life go downside up. It's amazing to be awoken from a good night's rest.

When Pairing Food and Numbers

2009-07-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

My Add Math teacher claimed that one should do sums with an empty stomach. Reason being for enough oxygen to circulate to the brain.

And this is why I have so much accumulated work.

More Than Just A Bad Meal

2009-07-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

Aside the fact exams are over, I don't feel the emptiness I usually do after all hurdles have passed. Usually being at a lost to be productive, I reward myself with long showers. Unlikely, this time I struggle to finish tuition homework. So the pace of time still remains, though I enjoy the drastic change of that emptiness. And lately I seek for this feeling and realize the depth of my foolishness. I've gone in many roundabouts. If I don't insist on increasing the pace, how would I ever achieve a drop of change? A feeling of making a statement of accomplishment.

Secretly wishing that the fruits of my labor would be radiated beyond the normal radius despite the condition of the final lapse. But I remind myself, what exactly are the chances? I snap out of my delusion with Chem marks. What more Bio.

The most disappointing thing is not merely the grades. Recognition. Only your efforts have the ability to amplify it on paper. I really hate it when its deduced in such a narrow perspective. One stupid paper. Papers. How as I've said the papers prove it all.

In many ways it does, in many ways it is seen and judged.

Keeps me held back. That. Toppled with the fact of induced awkward-scientific-supposedly for general knowledge-conversations being drilled into me one at a time. This pisses me off.

You are definitely not looking at Einstein's protege.

The Second Day of July

2009-07-02T23:50:00.000-07:00

I've never really been good with dates, nor numbers for that matter. Birthday's, telephone numbers I usually just resort to the directory-I trace a sense of guilt by publicizing this fact. Having a system is good. That's where the planner comes in.

Technically speaking my brain wouldn't work to its optimal level since it being so memory dependent. Strengthened by the fact I couldn't last recall my last encounter with her presence.

Yet lies exceptions. How contradicting I know.
Today guarantees much significance.

...my 100th post too.

Why I like em' Soggy

2009-06-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

I can't stop raving over the greatness of this below. Sheer awesomeness. Has been my staple for many years.

Milk alone takes one beyond wonders, what more can be said with sweet delights. Each morning you expect that same old bland taste. Somehow I don't recall the Science textbooks categorizing milk amongst the four senses of taste and here I blog with a whacked theory of it being possibly sweet. Or what about umami? (recognized as the fifth basic taste also meaning tasty/savory) Each carton aromatically triggers different taste buds. Believe me or not you can tell its freshness not just by looking at the indicated expiry date. A blind person would be capable to differentiate its freshness, brand and even products of the same shipment. I guess this proves the maximized usage of senses.

Here's something more scientific, and interesting to note.

Biscuits are made mostly from sugar, flour (which is 60% starch) and fats. When you dunk your biscuit into your drink, the liquid is drawn up through the tiny channels and holes in the biscuit by capillary action. The liquid starts to dissolve the sugar that is holding the biscuit together and makes the starch swell. If you continue to dunk your biscuit without taking a bite, it soon won't be able to hold itself together - leading to a dunking disaster.

As all biscuits have a slightly different structure, they can survive a different number of dunks. Len Fisher from the University of Bristol found that you need to have a thin dry layer of biscuit within your dunked biscuit for it to stay in one piece. He also found that dunking your biscuit sideways gives you the most dunking opportunities as the drink takes longer to saturate the biscuit when soaking it from only one side.

Len Fisher went on to discover that milk was the best beverage in which to dunk a biscuit if you want maximum taste. Dunking your biscuit in milk releases up to 11 times more flavor than eating a dry biscuit. Milk is full of fat droplets suspended in water and fat droplets are very good at absorbing the flavor molecules that excite your taste buds. They also hang around in your mouth so that the flavor and aroma chemicals can sit on your tongue and be released up your nose giving you a better taste sensation.

So which biscuit is the tastiest? It's all down to personal preference, but the best beverage to use is a glass of milk!

-source-

From Oreo's to Mcvities, digging into the flavors of weetbix and classic Banana Nut Crunch you can even spice it up with some fresh strawberries and modify it to a Sunday smoothie. Or have it with an enriched moist chocolate muffin, a banana cake, an apple tart and even for flavoring your coffee! Never is it possible to go wrong with milk. Universal. Now that's what you call a comfort food.

Seasonal June

2009-06-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

No its not from the pigs or birds but pollen, I detest mom's garden. Miserably rubbing my eyes until it gets watery red. This eye allergy symptom manifested by hay fever is rather common this time of the year. And I'm down with the flu.

Dealing with Emotion

2009-06-19T04:51:00.000-07:00

Staying strong. Reason being not a facade, not to prove to anyone, not the crave for independence...

I feel I'm shoving people away. I am not blinded by the concern expressed by those who genuinely take notice of my well being. Perceiving that an ear present just right next door, it is alongside a two way street. I am held back.

Not by nature of mine to broadcast rants of displeasure, resulting in utmost secrecy and one word responses. In slight hopes of greater depth to such vague statements, I still keep it in simplicity.

Maybe its the extrovert side of things, seeing independence amongst close surrounding people, they having strong faith or a protruding capable act. Who knows...

An Alternative Joy

2009-06-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

I am finally back from what I call, seasonal blogging. 2 weeks of holidays have ended and I still feel tired, drenched and drained mentally. But nevertheless, it has been one of the best holidays ever! MYPO camp has just been a great sheer of awesomeness. My very first camp, hopefully not my last.

The emotion encountered when I received the audition packet was already more than overwhelming. I checked the date of the brochure and compared it to my planner. Shit, it's almost a week. Where's my mail!? It was to the extend I rushed out of the house the split moment I heard those distinct motorbike exhaust fumes rattle on decreasingly away from my ears. I felt like a complete maniac who had her heaps of anticipation and hope trashed by the sight of plain stashes of envelopes. I wished in angst for the purple and green trimmings! From this, upon being greeted by an empty faceted box I've come to know that postmen do not work on Sundays.

This obscenely crazy series of actions finally came to an end. First, making my pulse go degupdegupdegupdegupgupgupgupgup, and did not fail to display the last emotions of craziness when I stared blankly into what seemed like space for about a whole 10 minutes, and those aching jaws. I swore if anyone saw me in such a state I would pass off as The Joker.

Not leaving out THE EMAIL. Very vaguely described but yes. It turned my life downside up.

And so, I have spent half of my holidays free from house rantings, divergence from acquaintances into a new community, and chance to be away from home. Before the camp, it did bring a sense of independence. I did feel scared or more so intimidated by the known fact that an immense scale of uncertainty laid unawakened. I was aware on the surface of what was bound to happen, expectations, but yet uncertainty can never fully be uncovered. Certainly not without arms of your own. Thankfully things became less tense a few days after. I was in my comfort zone and more importantly I had a blast doing what musicians do best; performing with passion.

Being a soloist is one thing, playing in an orchestra another. Both different experiences on the whole. I found it an advantage for myself to be performing again some of the repertoire I once did in my younger days in PESSOC. It felt like an absolutely new piece musically. I got carried away by melodies and harmonies which apparently deaf to the ears prior to this. Performing those exact same pieces despite those repetitive rhythms for the second violins in The Blue Danube felt rather...well it gestured a varied kind of thrill. I safely quote, "I did not dread Strauss!" ASTONISHING. =)

Amazingly that one week of music indulgence was refreshing and has built a different perception of mine towards music. I begin to see a larger depth in the notes I play. And the frustration felt thinking my playing was going pretty stagnant, all this might have just changed. Amazing how much a week can inspire you.

Certainly enjoying this source of inspiration.

Midnight Maniac

2009-06-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

There's something very soothing about being alone and the eleventh hour of the day.
When everyone's settled in, time slows down and life as you know it pauses for a while, a moment.
It's breathtaking to absorb into absolute silence.
You feel peace.

When you stare upon motionless figures yet you feel someone's always watching.
And the clock continues ticking.

Beaming No More

2009-05-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

Leisure. In abundance I thought.

Apparently I've missed out on many things. I'm trying to par up with the tempo. Exams just slow you down. Right now at my back I have a stack of add math homework to do. Heh, anyone from Ms Lee's would know. Accumulated before my exams in addition to her holiday 'gifts' which she claims upon generosity. Let's see, there's also school work, a book which I planned to finish, practicing and practicing the violin, oh right, I have to get my eyes checked, my teeth too, a course work essay to write, and did I mention Teacher's Day is around the corner? More planning, that's it. All under a week!! Possibly want to scrape everything off before I leave to KL for the holidays, WHEE. I'm excited.

So I've been doodling on the comp, checking my inbox now and then. It's still empty, I need those reports for Teacher's Day. Lunch hour is over! People and time. Sigh. Besides, just practicing and getting the notes right isn't enough. Having trouble finding some recordings. Not so simple.

I watched The Godfather after the first hour after my moral paper ended. Part of rejoicing the fact that exams are over. Not to forget the state that Manda and I concluded for each day in the midst of guilt studying, or at least me .

The only hope I have left for is Chemistry and Add Math. re-sighs

OH Crap!!!
Mum just reminded me......
I HAVE NO SUITCASE!!!!!!!!!!

Love Story meets Viva La Vida

2009-05-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

Light of Glory

2009-05-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

Seriously why do we study the things we do?
Based on the stream I'm in, yes, I am known as a Science student. I like no other am required to learn the main Sciences; Biology, Physics and Chemistry. On the contrary to subjects like Moral and History, the Sciences have always made more sense.

Upon the lack of scientific knowledge, a teacher failed to conjure a questionable answer and once concluded with this,

"Don't ask how. Chromosomes just pass over the DNA. It's an accepted fact."

A reply came saying,

" Biology does not make any sense. You can't even ask why such circumstances happen."

And this was said,

"That is simply because Biology is the why."

So yes, I fully support the fact that Sciences are the why's in this ever changing society. Despite my certain level of fondness and depth of interest, never have I sought myself to be placed in a hospital or a laboratory in years to come. With the increase of number of Science students each year and how the school has a rigid system of segregating students from the arts and science classes, we are all aware that 60% will end up working in a totally different aspect of their majors, another 30% having jobs co-related with their studied fields and the fortunate successive 7 year old aspirations taking hold of the other 10%.

Point is, even though I know I don't want to be attached in the Science industry, neither do I have a clear pathway for what my 10 years down the road life were to be, why bother excelling these exams? Why bother withstanding the torments of comprehending chemical bonds? Could it be the fact that I want to secure myself with a scholarship for a better desired tertiary education? Or to prepare myself mentally through using perseverance as a training ground? Or is it due to self pride in carrying a name, meeting expectations from parents and friends? Or even the satisfaction attained when knowing your work inside out till the diameters of your brains cells meet?

Prior to my previous post, could this be what's bothering me, that inhibitor?

I used to have a purpose to study. That always gave me a reason to excel.
There's a difference between knowing you can and proving it on paper. Only each individual knows their respective potential and capabilities and I know down right well that I can portray the exact same that with an addition to knowing the final steps to achieve so. But you know there's so much more depth than the corners of our text books that I'm beginning to see.

While the light begins to dim and diverge from one corner, it begins shine and intensify on the other side of the road. Should this fading light commence a good or bad sign for my future?

Updates

2009-05-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

Mid year is already here and my exams are just around the corner. With that I mean next week.
Half the year is approaching by and in many ways I'm glad major events in school have already taken place. Also never have I experienced the "failure to launch" mode.

There's always such a time line academically where the motivation to study weakens. Just like tidal waves in action, ejaculating 100% of effort can indeed result a mental breakdown. A serious need for endless leisure time is overly craved for. It happens to be a turning point which always occurring one way or another. But when you find that sole driven purpose to strive pass those imaginary point of views-procrastination has its name- and step right out of those boundaries, you make that choice to alert that active gear. In that mode, basically you're set to go. Nothing can stop your way.

But what happens the gear malfunctions? For some strange alienated reason never experienced in a lifetime? Yes, things will turnout likewise.

Anyhow, I'm definitely looking forward to submit myself into the second half of the year. Well, I can conclude from all my schooling years that Term 2 is generally less messed up. and days tend to seem shorter, hence more enjoyable.

I can't wait for the holidays.

I'm ecstatic too!

I'm Just

2009-04-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

exhausted-a mess-a clutter-a bolus of thoughts-a self erupting mechanism-paranoid-obsessed-self absorbed-annoyed-envious-cooped in a box-unhealthy-physically weak-mentally disturbed-unrealistic-disorganized-in hopes of fairytale happenings-lacking sustained energy-mediocre-afraid-stuck in this journey-pretentious-lacking confidence-bad to talk to-running away-trying to have fun-experimenting-failing those experiments-waiting for the world to change-stalling time-seeking time-barely catching my breath-loosing passion-uncommitted-giving up-lost-me

Remedy: Strength

Parallel Lines

2009-03-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

I begin to procrastinate a lot these days. Something out from my usual boundaries. I used to have routines from eating habits, to consistent sleeping hours and a self timed intuition for me to actually start getting projects accomplished. I would rush to finish school homework before I got home from school. I would try to end my day before 6p.m to watch a 4 year screened tv series and continue revision later. This kind of motivation depleted as it finally ended in the beginning of the year. However, I've found other sources to gear me up in whatever I do but the minute I lay my soul into the work I do, before 10 minutes have passed, my mind wanders. I tend to become more conscious about my surroundings and there, curiosity strikes. I am no butterfly, I just need to get things back into a straight line. The balance between rigidness and enjoyment. 2009 sure has a way of working things round.

To Realize Is Already An Experience

2009-03-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

A thing a two about friends- they're genuine or pretentious. Even the one's who aren't intimately associated to you but just merely acquainted with more depth than relative hi's and bye's, do have a standing in these segments. Yet, I wouldn't use the work 'fake' in this context. It becomes very misleading. How far can you judge one's facet out of the few possessed? As I believe each person has different sides and respond towards stimuli of their surroundings, they often adapt to situations along the way and which often are interpreted as being untrue to themselves: fake. Never would I want to be mistaken for something like that again. Hence, it doesn't bring much just, no not at all.

Along this week, I've realized I've become exposed to various situations rotating about the lines of friendship. I've been witnessing various types of fruitful friendships and vice versa. While some are on the verge of destruction, I can't help but hopelessly count the number of days for the outcome to protrude.

I don't have many sharing-life-problem kind of friends. Those close one's do have rough ideas on the situations I've been thrown into. Nevertheless, sad to say, they still never have my full story to it. The reason for being so are probably siblings. Having the assurance of someone to confide to indeed makes more of a difference than you think . A tendency for long lasting friendships are hoped without much effort exerted.

I gave up with searching by quantity and decided to make do with blessings around me. And due to my oblivion, things have already gone downhill upon realization.

One kind is such that I've sincerely forgiven those doings repeatedly. As one of my principles to always forgive those who persecute you (given a time span of course) I've lived up to it in a dumb way. Here I am willing to sustain a friendship only because it's two more years before graduation finally takes place. Comparing to a two digit figure, which is more worth it? 2 against a two digit code? So because of this duration, I persevere whilst walking on a one way street. Not very promising and outcome is it?

So I'm at a lost at times. Those naive colored events showed moments. It becomes nauseating to brainstorm for those exact moments. In this recent time line, you search in this memory bank and what you see instead is a joker's smile. You ask what is concealed between those lips?

So has defending a relationship of this sort served any purpose? What differs the kind of friendships are willingness in terms of making that added step for a meaningful someone. If traversing on a one way street ends up hurting instead, might as well leave everything at rest for a moment.

And maybe pray for that moment to ignite again.

BROOKS

2009-03-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

Look what I found!

I'm really liking this.
Too bad they haven't franchised it all the way to Malaysia.
I figured, what stunning cheer shoes.

I'm thinking, Nike is seriously overrated.

She is one heck of a base.

#73

2009-03-11T02:46:00.000-07:00

Feeling rather disappointed after yesterday's match against Contact Bullets. Much frustration felt as shots taken seem to deflect most of the time. A scoring line of 4-3 doesn't sound that bad I guess? And the world never seems to leave out the but's do they. As PFL is already coming to a closure, I thought we could have at least had the fiery passion to end it with a bang! In need of speed, momentum, stamina and damn, get my shots working! Its making me handicapped.

But anyways, I look forward to playing in Youthwave, if that opportunity still exists someplace, sometime.

Wooshh!

A Vague Account

2009-03-09T15:23:00.001-07:00

I worked hard. I thought dreams would come true. I believed that success equaled the magnitude of endless efforts. But man, I was so wrong.

Being that pillar of strength was never much a forte of mine, towards others, inclusive of myself too. This resulted more thought-a man made list-of possibilities stating reasons fate turned out this way.

Each reason made perfect sense. Ah! I saw the light. Don't things just happen for a purpose? When it shone brightly amongst the window panes, the Lego pieces conjured a picture. A glorious moment palpable.

I move myself the opposite direction, taking risks, challenging the impossible. As days grew upon me, inside I weakened. An overcast of clouds seen. In disdain, I wanted to surrender.

I did not get in, I made no statement.

Imagine a busy New York street. Imagine the t-junction in Times Square. There you stand stationary facing the traffic lights whilst others hold briefcases and children hands traversing against your direction. You tell yourself your flying solo now.

For where does the pleasure lie? It impacting the millions of people out there against the one and only you.

I believe it has to start from the inside out. Sufficient satisfaction attained acts as a reflective mirror out to reach the billions.

If we all make one change, the world will definitely makes changes.

Weighing Facts

2009-03-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

It States

2009-03-05T19:20:00.000-08:00

More than Alive on Valentines Day

2009-02-14T23:30:00.000-08:00

School has been eating the life out of me. Endless array of events lined up ahead, I secretly wish the days would come to an end so I can settle into peace, the wonders of dreams. The last time I can even remember myself having a good, sufficient and deep sleep was two years back. But now I crave for deep sleep and for my body to tune into an automatic system of its own, trashing the alarm usage. When I'm awoken by 'Breaking Dishes' I derive at the state of -switching alarm off-sleep in- routine, and at the same time remind myself of what the day has in stored so I won't forget all incomplete assignments. Heh. My new cycle.

Despite it all, I'm glad to proclaim that Ame's not lost in her own little island this year but has rather got the basic skeletons intact. People, its just that the parasitic common killer feeds inside the rest of us which we never fail to loose; the time vacuum.

As I clearly have proven to minimalize the desolation of this blog, today marked Friendship Day for us in school, finally a day to -I quote Ryan- " de-stress". Seriously really fun to have the whole day free to ourselves and also time spent with peers! Ahh. It lowers myself, in the sense that it channels thoughts back into the zone where reality lies, the place where sympathetic feelings are forced out of me alongside with many sappy moments that I for once become omnipresent to. Pfftt. And of course you have your friends to witness them all. Days like these make you realize things we often overlook.

But honestly a day like this makes a huge change. After having understood all ends of sentimental values, it boosts up energy for the next dreadful event listed. How contradicting eh.

Game of Life

2009-01-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

Reality says January IS coming to a closure.
10 more months to go.

When everyone asks how Form 4 life is going I say I've just begun this journey.
When they ask how I find the subjects and life aspirations, I say I've only just started learning them!

And right now I feel old. I'm hitting the figure 6 soon! But in this way, you know I hope people will start guessing my age more accurately by lowering them, since I am actually increasing with age. I just wonder when I turn 30, if people will regard me as a 35 year old or still a 20. And that if this still does give effects after 20 years down the road. Hm.

Of Sunshine Days

2009-01-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read the classic Jodi Picoult book, My sister's Keeper? I particularly am drawn by its plot intensity and the characters. I reckon that this book is much suited for a light-read phase and never failing standards for a good page turner. You'll end up finishing it faster than expected. Life's encounters elicit events within each bounded page undergoing a physical character transformation by way of reality, making it no longer seem that an unrealistic string of events ever existed at the very first attempts of reading it back then. -read the synopsis-

~~You~~ I begin to think that hey, these things actually do happen! And question the appearances of fairy tales and princesses come to life, asking when on Earth, when that Cinderella story makes the act of dreaming come to life.

New Beginnings

2009-01-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Statistics show that 45 people attained straights A's in MGS for PMR this year out of a rough figure of 100 students. Much an improvement and achievement, securing nearly half of the total. I think this might even set a new record for the school. Very glad. Anyhow, sometimes it does not bring much justice to such a small school by comparing academic standarts with the results produced up againsts schools weaving students into 8 or 10 classes per form, resulting about say, 80 students with straights A's? So I feel in terms of academic levels, MGS is definetely not far behind not stating this just soley based on the results this year but in general-even daily tests.

Also, I just got the news that English for Science and Technology will be posted as an elective for the fellow form four students in MGS, finally. Leaving me only nine subjects to work with, I wonder if the school will offer another subject as a replacement.

2009 here I come!

2009-01-01T01:14:00.001-08:00

Many have listed out new year resolutions and perhaps rather specific goals for this year-still sounding awkward. I think I've come to a realization that I don't fit the category for future planning which I refer to those who bother to even give their social and academic life a thought to cover respective areas in potential. Dealing with my personality, I think it gives restrictions from doing so creating a placement lying between the borders of thinking and spontaneity.

It is indeed much easier to accept opportunities that pave by and sail the calm seas (living life as it comes) but my mind set has differed slightly from the past and I do believe in another option via creating them. However it becomes a struggle to swim through such abstract borders but spontaneity is always good for adrenaline thrills to keep our fuel on the go. I feel it becomes a necessity for unexpected array of events to pop up once in a while to reduce the mind from over thinking. It goes back again to balance. Hence sometimes less is more.

Dear 2009, my resolutions have remained non-ignited. Even so, I've simplified my aspirations into five achievable categories comprising in areas of success, joy, achievement, purpose and love. So to say my resolutions vaguely float about those boundaries.

The year is new, blow me away.

Ode to joy

2008-12-30T22:17:00.000-08:00

So reality speaks, I became 5 bucks more poor.

This is where the holidays take me

2008-12-29T23:22:00.000-08:00

I have returned home safely from a very spontaneous trip to Hat Yai, the land of major shopping sprees and making Bangkok instead the shopping haven. Prices weren't exactly as cheap as expected but the outskirts of Hat Yai were much more reasonable.

Like this market where we found lots of food, bags, clothes, shoes etc using the tut tut to get there. Bought lots of honey coated cashew nuts, dried nangka, dried banana tid bits and surprisingly many fried chicken drumsticks. Most stalls were selling either mango rice or fried chicken right up to the border and I'm sure there's some history to that. I went there with the mind set of good tom yam but I only had one meal of its authentic flavours. How funny I reckon.

Mum also bought this titanic Zebra stainless steel pot, gigantic enough to even fit me in. She thinks it comes handy in boiling stock for steam boat during Chinese New Year. I question her whether our stove is even big enough for the pot. Imagine those "kenduri's" using much effort with the long ladles to slowly stir curry in circles on top of burning firewood? The pot is of that size. Since its doubled size is priced for only half of what Penang has in stored, not getting it was out of the question.

All the days we were either walking along the streets or eating mango rice and more food! How I fancy it. Rather usual for me to gain a few kilo's during the holiday season and I can start to imagine when I finally learn to drive...Noo! What will become of me? haha. I'm whacked. Anyways, for more on the trip, gladly take a tour here.

Tomorrow marks dooms day. Despite myself not being too bothered with PMR results I recently agreed to a bet which was worth RM50 and now RM5. I'd be less rich if I earn the expected.

Good luck parents. Take it easy aights?

Pesta Music Camp 2008

2008-12-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed myself during music camp this year. The 9 day journey was significantly different than the previous years. Right now my pictures are scattered in camera's of many which I'll soon get hold of. Pessoc performed Beethoven's Symphony No.9 alongside with the choir and imported soloist but although the repertoire was not really my cup of tea it was great being a part of it.

Camp also proved how smart 10 year olds can be. Putting me as the subject of a question, as to guessing randomly my age and status in the family, they no doubt got it right on the first shot-I am 15 and the middle child. When you go round asking instead the more experienced citizens, the answer they give you just increases with the amount of times you question them.

Coming round another discovery, it so proves the existence of the 2nd child syndrome to appear older than they usually are. But we of our kind would clearly like to perceive it in the perspective of being more mature. Hah. Adding a little something to that, it is applicable only with siblings more than 3.

That was camp.

They call me

2008-12-16T22:46:00.000-08:00

I don't care if everyone has their backs against mine or saunter facing forward, as long as some faces are virtually the opposite direction as I am reached between visual means, I will be far more contented than you could ever picture. It takes a certain someone to mark a placement within that radius igniting spark, color and making a difference in this world.

And also, watch this:

Joke of the day

2008-12-14T23:39:00.000-08:00

Today was an early start for the Yeoh residents with the exception of two nocturnal beings residing at home; the working dad and the caffeine inhaler. Mum's annoying knuckle graveling against the door at 7.00a.m. got me irritated-I'd rather trade for three briefly concise knocks, punctuality now which I was far beyond craving. Browsing through penangtuapui.com salivating over a review on roti bakar for breakfast one day came near on grab. And with eyes smaller than slits I woke up thinking it was worth the wake while adding to Blunder Woman's resume, Toh Soon doors were shut.

From the outskirts of Chowrasta market we merged inside instead to feast. One of the stalls there sells the best Penang style chee cheong fan ever. Funny how repetitiveness changes the love for food because I ended up passing.

So we walked the walk, infused many by-products and most importantly talked the talk.

Incident one: I seriously had bad breathing rhythm. Talking the talk with my sister radiated the 2 year old in me causing oblivion to this fagot next to me exhaling reused carbon dioxide, tar etc. My inept timing forced me to role play the exact opposite.

Incident two:

Hysterical laughs are heard.
Ame pokes Manda ferociously.
Da: Whoooooi!!
Two heads turn in shock; old lady frighten out of her wits; indian guy bemused.
Indian guy: Eh, you buat apa ni? Sorak ke?
Da runs away having her guts turned inside out, barely making her way to the car park.

As the adventures of BW continue to brighten up hearts, I figure Da has yet to compile more of stories of her kind. Cheers.

Ames 9 simultaneous facts

2008-12-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

A prefect more joyous than a class monitor.

Its hard to fathom emotions. Conjuring multiple solutions can never give you the right answer.

I hate uncertainty.

Whatever comes is a bonus, whatever doesn't I'd still live.

Destiny is possible by building your bridge.

Bron in the middle serves as the following: Life stays static in the middle of the time line, passing the beginning and far beyond the triumphant end.

Trust intuition more. It is your only defense shield.

I want to be a kid again. Kids jump right in whereas adults look before jumping.

I used to run away, I love running away, I used to day dream, I love day dreaming. Longing for my past which I cannot dwell on.

Its a myth

2008-12-12T13:26:00.000-08:00

And they say babies who get introduced into this world later than expected are characterized as late bloomers, even if its just a day and a half just like myself. We of our kind apparently have issues with time by all means being slightly over the dot in hopes of presenting a free havoc routine. Slower in accomplishing homework-so I've been told, bathing even, eating meals and the list paves on. How far nonsensical may this turn out? Hammered in repeatedly, these facts are part and parcel of candor remarks I get when time so happens not to be on the same page as I am. Otherwise if the opposite shows irony just strikes. By whom, you should be guessing by now.

Highlights of your days

2008-12-11T21:52:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't say food is my obsession but more like a pleasure in cooking and tasting the fusion of various flavors existing. If you were to enclose me under circumstances of bickering I'm sorry to say I will persecute those around me with sudden absence or vital temperament change. Tee hee. Its supposed to be a form of enjoyment. And just for the record, I don't like being used nor taken advantage of just so because my hours do happen to be inside the kitchen rather frequently. Standing torn between both your radioactive like sound waves do trail on side effects and being a messenger-worse.

However, the week has partially used most of my hands in baking by learning the all time favorites from grandma and her cooking methods while trying to mentally imprint ingredients used. Success with the doughnuts and cream puffs has definetely boost the urge to venture into her curry puff recipe. That is what I call somewhat sacred, at least it feels so. Having to transmit her skills onto the next generation keeping fingers crossed I'd nail, hence my kids won't miss the joy I once experienced.

Realistically speaking, both sides of my family can cook; very well. Dad's side not really so evident but on my mom's, don't joke around. My grandmother alongside her Cheah sisters each posses unique skills of their own thus majoring in cooking only certain foods. So happened the other day, my aunt dropped by my place passing me a stack of photographs during her days teaching. She's blessed much with one heck of a pair of steady hands and no doubt precision. Therefore being skilled in cake icing doesn't seem to shower much shock. Take a look.

Marveled roses:

Cake exhibition:

Not that I foresee icing cakes in me, but I admire the amount of detail in her cakes. Take a step into Secret Recipe, Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Ritz and even Jenny's Cake house what do you see? Probably you can custom make your cakes at Ritz and Jenny's but still, its going to cost a bomb and I'm not absolutely sure if they make icing of this standard. (If there are other cake houses I'd be glad to hear from you!) Then again, how could I compare since finer icing has lost its appeal to people who actually purchase cakes these days. However rare it may seem I want my 21st birthday cake to be covered generously in trellis, splattered across with deep red roses contrasting in dark chocolate coating and preferably a key shaped one. If not my 21st birthday, my wedding cake it is, but no key.

And I finally tell her 6 more years, a reason to keep living. =)

Not the stage of Alzheimer I assure you

2008-12-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Did you know breakfast is my most enjoyable meal of the day? With supper taking next in the lead that is. Besides, I usually get inspirations in early mornings and turn out making a heavy tantalizing meal to energize my day. Despite fighting against fatigue, my best formulation of ingredients has undeniably been in the mornings. Turns me on when I'm able to share this craze with others. And also, the thing with supper is the food doesn't have to be all that "delish" but the feeling of gushing subtle amounts of food into the digestive system at the wee hours is simply enthralling. Again bad habit, just proclaiming dad's history of genes. I wonder where and how it rooted.

Finding this necessary to blurt it here because right now I can't seem to concoct a suitable plot for the 2009 MPH essay competition. I give myself a time limit which all in all must be completely composed by the end of the year, end of this month-counting days- cut it short to before school chaos stands for itself. Speaking of which I constantly keep forgetting dates and days of the calendar, the positive product of too much slacking at home. That is why updating blogs can come in handy. =0 Even trying to think what I had for dinner yesterday. *runs to a calendar*

So 31 minus 9 is yes, 22 days a countdown.

You see, after much effort in brainstorming a plot, breakfast jolted my thoughts instead. Until I find a way to work the scanner, get the keyboard fixed and scheme a plot, allow myself to indulge into the novel; The Post Birthday World, a Lionel Shriver masterpiece.

*note: "delish" the word is non-existent, but a slang used by Jamie Oliver indicating delicious.

Posted

2008-12-06T10:22:00.000-08:00

The keyboard on the computer is not working. Blogging=impossible.

Since the lappy is free, this is just a post to revive this blog of mine.

REVIVED

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

One Day

2008-12-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yes I know life is short, we must make it meaningful. As I've somewhat reflected back on my personal life, I'm not living it idealistically. I am like on the verge of a cliff in the midst of paving a clear-cut gravel road for me to hover myself back into life. Frankly, I'm still about uncertain how to comprise each meaningful moment with such a short life span on Earth and of course with things that will make me truly happy, right from the gut. Thus, I question myself as to when that joyous tick of the clock allowed my teeth to glow so brightly between the brim of my lips which I can now reminisce and be truly grateful about. Nothing ever so significant has popped out.

Long ago have I acknowledge the fact that I practically wasted two years of my secondary life, spent a whole six years being gullible,naive you name it, three years of the highest level in self esteem, and another three busily interpreting hokkien and English. It is the year 2008 that I banged my head against steel.

I have dreams, not so much about my career from 20 years onwards, one which I'd like to settle down, probably be married then? But aspirations which are seemingly too vague to be achieved. Like I've heard "dreams can come true" oh only a million times this vague future seems unattainable. ~~Although the problem doesn't root from my future itself~~ I am far beyond the phase of adulthood, but the transition between a teenager and a young adult is tormenting me. This period of planning ahead to achieve goals is mind boggling and it just seems that I'm complicating things.

When I read the time line of a 19 year old kid who supposedly experienced this stage from being a notable bad kid to a traveling semi-successful journalist it envies, inspires and moves me completely. Seeing people's life blossom the way they want it to but not mine really gives huge implications. One fact I know I must pull through is suffering. Success is nevertheless derived from pain. Even though it has been noted prior months ago, it ain't easy having your whole life reverted from points at two ends of the world, especially when conscious about it.

But I guess everyone is entitled to take different journeys towards making things happen. Some willing to take risks, seeking and most importantly being aware of opportunities, making the best out of each situation and having faith in yourself. Please do know I'm clearly speaking not from experience but by reading people's experiences which depressingly have worked a bunch of stuff out. I'd like to adhere to importing meaning into life because basically it is the rightful thing to do. And since each person is different, as I said there are infinity ways of embossing and further making life as fruitful as possible.

So my but is glued to the chair just drowning in thoughts of what I really want OUT OF life. I thought I knew, I honestly did, but after reading some people's life changing stories online I second guess myself again. Hopefully when the time is right, I can post a fresh entry about my experience and not others. One day.

Anti Robots

2008-11-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

Our lives being dependent on robots sincerely makes the ends of my hair stand. People of my generation will turn into full time sloths in years to come. We won't do cleaning, no house chores, (doubt robots could cook tantalizing meals) and the list goes on. Worse still the thought of being surgically operated by inhuman electronic beast-don't want to go there-doctors will die of bankruptcy. T_T

ASIMO (Advance Step in Innovative MObility) made one of its first appearances in Queensbay the other day. I was quite fascinated at first frankly speaking. The humanoid robot was about three quarters the height of an average human being and much resembling an astronaut. As more people crowded, I was desperate to move in the opposite direction.

Looking at the brighter side of things, in case our world turns inside out imaging scenes played by Will Smith in none other than I, Robot, just glad to know my days are numbered. That of course if technology doesn't get in the way. Geez.

Playing with emotions

2008-11-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

Mum is driving me up the wall. I'm thrown into ice water from an intense hot water bath. My body doesn't react to the different temperatures which ends up instead a loud explosion of matter.

Am I being too mean asking you to steal your glances towards me? Not just a glance, but a brief meaningfully concerned sincere one. I doubt so, I'm claiming my long lost territory.

My mood swings are synonymous to a young volcano. Even more unclear the meaning of ethics and simply being the opposite of empathetic. My mind has been immensely toyed around with.

After this phase, I go back to square one with dropping all insecurities as usual, feeling like a complete idiot. But not until I compete to stack a pancake stack high enough for it to crumble.

Temptations killed

2008-11-26T22:27:00.000-08:00

So, I wasted RM2.20 on Big Apple doughnuts. Seriously what's the craze about? Each time I pass by I watchfully observe the never ending queue of people. Cashing money meant no harm until today. Concluded, commercialized doughnuts. Even screw the workers who don't understand English making time an issue. Pfftt.

A vague futuristic future

2008-11-24T17:58:00.000-08:00

Lately I've become relatively keen about origins. You know, the universe, the big bang, the cosmos and basically subjects co-related to the existence of life. Arousing doubt at myself, now watching more astronomical programs on Astro and dad's endless dvd collections which never ignited any attention what so ever for the pass 14 years since the fusion of gametes. Now I think I might possibly have inherited daddy's genes of interest.

What drove my current curiosity is perhaps the fact that I began more exposed deeper in detail the amount of unknown matters of size, volume and quantity which lie far beyond my stereoscopic sight. I am bounded within the radius of my state and hometown until it becomes enthralling when exposed to such massive, emptiness. I gasp at the infinity the world outside offers. This is why I need to leave Penang. My holiday I need soon.

When I think about Einstein, Stephen Hawkins, Ptolemy (now I know how to pronounce), Lemaitre and Edwin Hubble, I am amazed by their influence and contribution to astronomic developments and further strengthening the Big Bang theory. It is because of their discoveries, history has more depth hence, making great impacts worldwide.

I may not be blessed with Newton's brain nor physically adept but it is a must one day I make a difference, influence, make contribution to this planet even to the extent of having my name circulated in books of History for the benefit of my generation. From inventing theories to burying hands in humanity work, by any means necessary using this time gifted gifts to recreate, making a name of my own.

I hope its worth reading

2008-11-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

I just stammered a while ago whilst reading a string of ranting posts about peers of my age, magnetized about themes of friendship, love and relationships. Now it makes me really ponder on where my standing lies in the social network and how complicating it gets to truly bring out your true personality in the midst of adapting to society of such divergence.

A. Preliminary statement
As what I've been struggling to reassure myself, the complexity of humankind has caused an uproar for us to react differently with others at scales varying. The worst is, no boundaries are ever present.

We cannot deny that even in this world alone, things like "clicks" do exist.

What I'm therefore trying to say is that we send out an array of vibes according to skin color, looks, age groups, wealth and so forth depending on factors of appeal. We choose our factors and act accordingly, and is also mislead as terms of bitching and faking. More so if your social circle increases with size.

Why I mention this now is because a trivial incident of some sort occurred

to me previously. I was labeled as bitching about a someone. Things might have patched up after the stir but now,again, I loathe its occurrence. Only now, I'm out of the picture. =)

B. Friendship
#1. I used to sympathize for a friend because she was gruesomely injured mentally. She encountered wicked months of torment from peers which brought her to concise between walls of misery and loneliness. I understood what it was like to be robbed instantly from happiness; one day it you had it all, the next day left stranded lost in your classroom you knew yesterday. None of it was her fault really, just that favoritism set in as well as factors of appeal which I mentioned earlier.

Preceding 3 months later, a ray of light shone upon a black hole. I began to

second guess my aroused feelings. As she stabilized her emotional wreck (with or without my help) she lost herself in the comfort zone of her new group. Now all I witness is her reliving her nightmare onto others, as she elicits her cause of pain and makes it the same cause to others.

What provokes my vengeance even more is the fact that her current comfort

zone has been dominated by peers of the previous phase of displeasure. Please tell me what justice does this bring us to?

#2. Over some recent events, I've been troubled until the extent of indirectly ignoring a victimized shower of tears. No, I don't walk out on the needy, but I listen. I go on continuously listening to endless rants which fail miserably to comply with any racing thoughts present in mind. As I listen, the adrenaline rises to a boiling point in which that, I control and pass if off with a nod or two, sometimes even with a misleading laughter and a pretentious smile. Proven obviously so because there is no coherency. Behind the concerned nod, I ridicule the yearn to bombard any distress caused. I am not faking anything. Let me point a question; how are you to respond to a disturbed soul? Certainly not by confronting her with your own thoughts, but by just merely using God's given gifts: the ears. I refuse to console as nothing can be said.

I guess being the early bird in venturing these stereotype teenage events has

made myself more aware than others. I certainly hope my phase has long gone especially since the year is drawing to a close. I wish to put my past behind me. Anyway, advice to simply ignore clearly isn't working and more important events of life are occupying my mind. I've moved on, we should too.

C. Relationships
#1. I'll admit I struggle to balance the subject of others with myself. Often it happens I cast aside less crucial matters and become self-absorbed in the more eventful life offerings. In a perspective of this sort, we overlook petty matters and are too ambitiously focused solely on things that drive us. Therefore chances of bonds to nurture are less.

#2. I can't really measure the size of my social network, neither could I say it's large but the type and kinds of people I mingle about are considerably many. It opens doors to meet the eccentrics to the absolute anti-social community, which somehow I found a way to associate myself with them.

#3. Being torn between love and reality is what I think are the worse effects of a love relationship. Aside the aftermath of a split and such, this time frame is instead the duration of "happiness". Yet, love still never fails to blind our eyes when we tend to this time, overlook negative traits. I'd like to applaud those who embrace the positive sides of people but, gee, don't over do it. You get my point.

So here I sit, casually looking at one similar situation myself but yet I don't

plan on making any moves yet. I don't know any moves to begin with. But be glad to know that something has sparked up a few days ago and I don't mean to be evil when I say I'm honestly glad. I'll just let fate take its course and be that shoulder if needed. Fate, even so with myself.

Checked off my checklist!!

2008-11-21T18:56:00.000-08:00

My blog has finally undergone a visual change! And for my eyes too.
Its nothing very extravagant but I like the more fresh look.

Here's to me, Ms. Green:

i'm just testing this out.

Currently I have a whirlpool of ideas for my blog only waiting to be streamed out.
Just finding some error in the output transmission from head to big screen in front of me. o.o

Time's ticking, I'm so late. Going to watch the high achiever's recital like soon. One hour left. Go AME!
This is what happens with technology.

A tag, not a quiz

2008-11-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

Three names you go by :
-Ame
-Ames ( my friends made me plural )
-Coconut tree =)

Three screen names you have had :
-AmeYeoh
-Ame Yeoh
-ameyjm@gmail.com

Three physical things you like about yourself :
-my lengthy fingers
-my legs
-my nose

Three physical things you DON'T like about yourself :
-my hair
-toe nails
-my skin

Three parts of your heritage :
-man, I'm a Chinese all the way!

Three things that scare you :
-unplanned/uncertain/disorganized lifestyle
-failure
-God

Three of your everyday essentials :
-daily planner
-contacts (12 hourly prescription)
-toothbrush?

Three things you are wearing now :
-nightgown
-first pair of earrings, gold XD
-does red nail polish count?

Three of your favourite bands or musical arts :
*I don't really have anyone specific but I'm not leaving a blank here so...
-Brooke Fraser
-Michael Bubble
-Joshua Bell

Three of your favourite songs (right now) :
-Viva La Vida (Coldplay)
-C.S Lewis Song (Brooke Fraser)
-Daughters (John Mayer)

Three things you want in a relationship :
-tolerance
-trust
-and most important lasting true love!

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you :
*my preferred sex would be the opposite one, just to avoid any whacky conclusions
-tall height
-toned body
-strong jaw line

Three of your hobbies :
-watching tv
-eating
-reading

Three things you wanna do really badly right now :
-travel the world!!!! but more realistically, somewhere out of Penang could very well satisfy this desire
-exercise
-finish this tag

Three careers you're considering / considered before :
-chef and owner of a franchised fine dining restaurant
-a forensic scientist
-a model..hahaa, years ago.

Three places you want to go on vacation :
-Japan
-London
-Switzerland

Three things you want to do before you die :
-be successful enough to buy mother a piece of land to garden
-visit remote places in Africa and travel the world
-see the universe with my own eyes

Three ways that you are Stereotypical a girl/guy :
-I drool over hot guys
-I have long hair
-I complain / am very emotional

Five people that you would like to see take this quiz now :
-Mae
-Sue Ting
-Sam C
-Megan
-Sue Chuin

Home Alone

2008-11-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

I want to flee somewhere exciting, random and uncertain.

I have the desperate hunger for something unusual.

I need the adrenaline to arise. Gurney is boring me.

I think I need to try something out of the ordinary, something bizarre. Any ideas?

And clearly the roof I'm under isn't providing that.
See...ade's having Spm...manda with unending trips to school.
Boredom kills.

And you may ask whatever happened to the joy of luxurious reading time, movie marathons, cook outs and being self indulgent?
Probably got smacked away by reality. MAYBE.
Or the other way round.

A Brisk Encounter Changes It All

2008-11-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

We stand as three different people. Genetically the same, but a straight glance and you'll see immediate vast differences.

Somehow in the anatomy side of things lie a certain genetic similarity. Similar and not the same. I find it of utter peculiarity the way we are made, shaped, molded that divides us with knowing that there's more to it than what meets the eye. I'll head deeper into this some other day.

Compassionate-feeling sympathy for people who are suffering
Sympathy-feeling sorry for someone in a bad situation
Empathy- the ability to understand other people's feelings and problems

She is empathetic. I am, sympathetic. We both relate well to the theme of human nature. These processes may very well be frustrating and painful to endure at different levels. Nevertheless, I adore engaging myself to experience same emotions as wounded souls but she; reaches into them. Something I've always known I was bad at.

Today was probably one of the most significant conversations of a lifetime as far as memory lane takes me. Just like how scientist make discoveries worth big bucks through enjoying life under apple trees and watching a game of baseball, nothing was any different, only that you certainly won't spot my face plastered in the newspapers a month from now on; a prefect's daily routine.

I felt empathetic. I was in control. I manipulated. I influenced. I understood. I understood the emotions and was able to figure out emotion behind a mask. Just those 15 minutes can't help my mixed waves of joy and sadness cease to rest.

i refuse to elaborate the event any further because the existence of being brutally murdered could accidentally be awoken easily

My ignorance is shoved and I now acknowledge the presence of fate. If I had not urged myself to approach her rather than ignore the issue, I wouldn't be feeling this suppressed joy. If I weren't confident today, would I've been able to nail persuasion? If I woke up on the right side of bed today, I wouldn't get my clockwork mind thinking. If no argument was made in the household yesterday, I wouldn't have met empathy and sympathy, neither would I be conscious of today.

Everything happens for a reason, finally establishing this statement made by my uncle years ago. A naive girl of 8 could not fathom much but sooner developed and believed in it strongly.

Sometimes, it right in front of our eyes. It can be omnipresent. We must grab it with titanic efforts of our own.

What we need to learn is to be conscious.

Sadly no one could possibly understand my compassion for others.

Remembrants

2008-11-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

The old cliche moments are reoccurring people. Be alert!

Those by my side, I'm sure you'd notice. Its no use feeling disappointed or distressed as I used to.

Coming from the very least expected people, my judgment clearly proved me wrong. I should have listened to my intuition and words of others.

Lesson learnt: Do not care.

The First Day of November

2008-11-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

Two more months before our life fully changes. And I mean fully.

Two days ago, I dreamt. I stepped into a much different world and left my thoughts churning. They say dreams are bad because it makes your mind subconscious and not fully into a deep sleep, and I crave for deep sleep-to note.

Adelyn headed to Singapore that very day I sent her to the airport. Apparently she got called in early due to some unexplainable matters. Still in shock from the sudden change, when I headed home, I found Manda lost from sight and this caused mum to boast on how proud she felt that Manda managed to participate again for nationals in Sarawak for the 'Puisi dan Lagu' competition. So she was far far away from me.

Then the feeling of loneliness seeped through. I felt so alone. Me, myself and I stranded in a household with no other living soul, leaving no word uttered amongst the walls. I cried myself to bed that night whilst hugging my pillow under my sheets afraid of the pitch black darkness which surrounded the empty room. I dare not move nor toss around for I kept out sharp on the ear in case of intruders. The phobia still lives in me.

I survived the night by the ringing of my phone. Result: panda eyes and poofy eyelids. And then at this stage, life fast forwarded. My academics were failing miserably. I struggled to juggle my time with studies, priorities and my social life. My friends left one by one and didn't bother being categorized as 'the loner'. In addition to the topsy turvy life I had no one to turn to because so many people were leaving.

The phone never worked. I called Adelyn but it only brought disappointment upon hearing the operator's voice. Manda constantly left home for school trips. Dad on business trips. Mama went to KL. Mum being mum. We fought until I couldn't bear taking another 'no' for any request. Life pretty well sucked.

I've never dreamt in ages. Dreams freak me out to a certain point. I shan't take it as an indication or prediction of the future because it might be caused by fear by the subconscious mind?

Yes I agree. Fear of loosing people, the fear of change.

Greatest impacts. Period.

Post PMR wall

2008-10-23T23:46:00.000-07:00

WOOT.

Pmr is finally over! Not going to think back about my papers and instead enjoy the time I have now. But it doesn't really work you know. I try enjoying life but somehow I feel more depressed when its out of the exam zone. Studying and being busy helps a lot in soothing the mental side of things. Now that we've all suddenly switched gear back to boredom and being helplessly free in class, the lack of substance cause a faulty point for the mind. Don't you think so?

However, we spent our after PMR days with the dreadful humid weather outdoors on trips.

War Museum was one of a kind experience. Grabbed a few shots of some artifacts and monuments but my camera failed me! The highlight was probably venturing the underground tunnels with barely any shed of light and only dependent on our senses of touch. Other parts very interesting too but I got so annoyed with the tour guide because he kept hopping from place to place too quickly. Whatever information hung up for visitors to actually read was pulled away by his triumphant whistle.

And today I went hiking for the first time to Pantai Kerachut.

We didn't exactly reach there but apparently we managed to hike past Muka Head. The 2 hour hike didn't seem so tiring because we paused a lot. Grabbed pictures as usual but my batteries weren't charged fully from yesterday and ended up with my phone. Honestly, there wasn't much at the beach except for taking more and more pictures on the rocks, feasting and exchanging shades? Everyone packed so much food but seemed to forgot water. How ironic.

The whole bunch of us took the easy way out by using the boat back to life. The boat ride itself poured instant laughter. Besides Sue Ting loosing Hui Ting's cap to the fishes and gaining scars on my feet, I guess we encountered one day as the life of Robinson Crusoe. HAHA (actually it wasn't that bad except for the fact that we were really deprived from water and no coverage there killed some spirits of the city life peeps)

I'm tired. What a day.

THE FUTURE: Planet Earth in Jeopardy

2008-10-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or my forgiving nature?

I stick out of the world revolving around me.
I try to see the goodness of humans by embracing flaws and overseeing defects.
But somehow nothing paints a clear picture to me because everything has a purpose does it not?
Hence, our actions are driven by purpose, a meaning, an intention.

All seems good at start. As time takes its course, it becomes evident.
All intentions bind as one.
Golumm revives.
And there you have it; the root of all evil, of life.

So where does that leave me standing in this dog eat dog world?
Not only I, but the rest of mankind.
I shall be brutally murdered before my first step made.
We fight to live, our purpose to life.
How we get there portrays it all.

PMR wall of horror 2

2008-10-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

Two more days left. I see myself rejoicing soon enough.

So far everything's been smooth flowing except for a little rough edges in the Bm papers, but otherwise, I hope to feel the confident vibe.

Enjoying the once in a lifetime chance.

urgh. Kh tomorrow.

PRE-PMR wall of horror

2008-10-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

Bm essays are a torture to write. Come to think of the amount of channeled effort needed to gain a mark just above average, is it worth it? Damn right it better be.

I guess after three years of sponging up flowery phrases of depth, idioms, attractive introduction settings, and whatever not, that I'll be able to brew my collection from my brain into my paper as I pen down each point of view tomorrow.

The gathered information I believe is hidden beneath the layers of historical, geographical, and scientific mediums which needs to climb its way to the top. And let us all hope strength reigns.

It's at this stage where writing from the heart really counts.

Determine your gut, tell me what's your flava!

2008-10-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

in contrast to

Just so you know,
Baby I choose you:

In A Blink of An Eye

2008-10-05T19:50:00.000-07:00

Gosh, school is starting tomorrow!

I've just organized some links and had blog hopped. I'm bored, anxious, distressed, save my life!

The clock ticks and current state of my planner is still carbon free. Life does feel longer after my great attempts to at least enjoy it. As PMR draws closer, there's nothing much I can do to fix the bare pages. It feels awfully weird not jotting down any notes nor opening the 'little black book' for a week now. Well, I've climbed mountains, sailed the seas -note of exaggeration- and I guess its this stage where keeping all information intact would be sufficient. Even I dare not exude signs of confidence yet until I can finally say; it's all over.

You could say I wasted my holidays reading and watching trash and good trash, undergoing a mental roller coaster, studying a fair bit, making numerous (I seriously mean numerous) trips to the bakery and getting groceries; stocking up bread loaves for school, eating out, window shopping, buying clothes, gluing eyes to the computer screen and out of all the seven days I'm proud to say that I had one day of awesome exercise! I finally set foot on court after approximately two years as a couch potato for a two hour training of floorball. Oh how I miss getting drowned in sweat as my body heat ignites. However, it was rather intimidating though since 90 percent were friggin tall ubiquitous cheetah like dudes. Call me a coconut tree, I instantly became an non-flowering orchid plant.

I'm always up for a match or training. I hate the feeling that I miss something I thoroughly once had a passion for and it kills people. That is why, being the indecisive person as I am, I'm still contemplating on whether I should 'devote' my energy weekly. PMR could stall me some time.

So my semi-successful couch potato days have made me found this new series on Nickelodeon called 'I Carly'. Mirinda Cosgrove who plays Megan on the series Drake and Josh, is starring her own show. Since 'Drake and Josh' are no longer in production, I guess this is the new spin-off. The amazing thing about this series is that it's a live web show which is active real life. Check out the website:http://www.icarly.com By the way, I can't believe she's 15!

I'm going to end this post very curtly to be in time to watch Black Dahlia on Star World, channel 711 on Astro, 8.00p.m. And I'm late. I reckon movie addicts to watch it. Sayonara!

Where Is The Love?

2008-09-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

A nightmare I exclaim!

A melodramatic life,
Bound with choices,
In the midst of the elders departure,

In hopes of a peaceful future.

And all men kill the thing they love,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword.
-Oscar Wilde-

People Having Great Issues

2008-09-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes despite my hardest efforts to tolerate surroundings of a vast array of mental torments, my downfall truly shines; the inefficiency of exasperating candor remarks towards peers of great stupidity and ostentatiousness which soon channels a whirlpool of emotions into a fury rage of actions!

The outcome?

It makes me look at fault. But nevertheless, I don't quite see that in me.
Although, you couldn't possibly point fingers due to genetic mishaps now can you?

Absolute silence churns and the usual awkward ambiance is gradually visible. Its reoccurring.

Some may define this pathetic scheme as :no guts to defend my grounds well others will think its: bitching. Whatever term you would like to label this as I hope your facts get straight.

You're living in denial and most of all fake.

Fighting for Independence of My Own

2008-09-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

Up to this stage I'm seriously a burning flame.

I know I'm a bad kid at times. I haven't being able to control my emotions and things just happens when it does. Guilt builds up after I shout at you and say things I don't mean but you should very well know not to question me at my boiling point. It very well is an understatement.

All this while and even more so now, my power and abilities are being suppressed. I hate this feeling. I have to endure every single bitter moment for things to turn round on my side. I'm being forced to hear ridiculous rants, complaints, you name it and which at this current state has been drilled into my head. These possibly true facts of life have painted for me a picture of my own.

What justice does that bring me to? I've never seen nor experienced the real world on my own even though I'm perfectly human and sane, born normal. Yet the feedback I'm getting is like I have a pair of disintegrated feet!

I need to know I can live without you. I'm saying it straight to your face and for once, I don't care. I bid you to leave me.

To My Lil' Biatch

2008-09-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

I hate our weather.

Speaking of it, I had an encounter today.

After school, I had to be ferried around Penang island which seemed so forever long. Not literally, but rather be strapped at the back seat dropping of sis for tuition and getting lunch. Yeah, that both. Did I mention how I hate wearing seat belts?

Drove to various places while in the jam with the rain, and the cars, and more cars only to find out that some stalls were either closed, not selling or finished selling. GR. My favourite Lam Mee stall wasn't opened either. (Su Lin would probably solve this for me) What a hustle. I owe The Other Boelyn Girl for keeping me company.

After much await I came home and went to tuition straight after. The rain never subsided. So surprisingly, Chan turned up after so many times of telling me so, today was it. Class was very empty which made me feel awkward talking to her. It was like the room belonged to us both only contrasting much with Tuesday and...not forgetting the junk food and chocolates!

The scenario was this.

The place was flooded and the ends of my jeans were still half dry from the rain earlier on. FLOODED. O.o

The water was as high as like knee length. Never have I seen, more like been stuck in a flood this high. The worst I recall was in school compounds where just my ankles got wet and that was before they raised the field level. Cars therefore could not pass and one option was left: to walk through it.

Thank gosh chan was there fully equipped with an umbrella. XD Both of us kept on laughing in the middle of the road while trying to take our steps carefully so we wouldn't loose our balance and fall in the waters. It was disgusting. Imagine how hard it was to walk through it. When we had like half the road more to go, a myvi passed us by. The thought of it now disgusts me fully. You could see floating masses making its way in the murky water...

Blame me for making us laugh. I somehow immeadiately thought of Mokky if only she were in our shoes. We went hysterical.

My Small Feet in Big Shoes

2008-08-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

That's exactly how I feel.

On the last day of school-a total blast, Pn. Wong's retirement (well in a fun way of course) school never felt so different. Not the simple fact that no studies were conducted but simply beacuse I felt that the world in my eyes that very day felt sort of paused, if you get me.

I managed to steal time to talk to some friends. It's been a long time since I had these so called discussions. We talked about our life then it switched to the subject of Ed-Board.. I don't know how it got there. Hmm, its just interesting sometimes to put myself in other peoples shoes. Quite fascinated by some of the things people say.

Back to how I feel.

The reason probably why I've strayed away from blogging for these pass few weeks is because my thoughts were, still are very very disintegrated.

I hate this feeling. I can't run you know. I can't. Since I'm so used to shoving it pass my mind, it indeed is hard to rekindle the question of thought. The questions that gives you answers.

I can't really picture myself in 2 to 3 years from now. This makes me seem like a lost wandering soul. In many ways, it does. haha. Ironically, this perplexed soul is accompanied by a very geared up feeling and ready to make a move for something big, bold, dynamic, extraordinary!!

Well, I don't know if any of you have felt this gush of excitement over this big question mark that remains unknown. Has it been an intense emotion of sacrifice, willingness and desire to achieve something you have absolute no clue about? Its a weird but total joyous feeling I would put it.

Perhaps it's the thought, you know you can.

A Recount

2008-08-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm officially giving myself a two day break from studying, and then preparing for Geography trial paper which I really really find a drag to study. I'd rather engage myself into the History textbook.

Right now, its the time of the day where I'm left stranded at home not knowing what to do. Lost. Bored. Wait, I have plenty to do. When finally I give myself a time off, I feel lost. It indeed is awkward when time suddenly inverts from a fast paced one-I become restless.

I don't want to be with books. I can't read. I need to finish my list lined up for me but I can't. The telly bores me, somehow nauseating. And the club is probably packed with people in the pool and I'm underage for the gym. I can't drive-would be at haagen dazs right about now.

This bring myself to feel in between depression and being mood-less.

3 weeks ago since Sammy left.
10 days more until Geo paper.
12 days more to Puan Wong's farewell.
1 month till trials.
1 month and 15 days till applications are due.
2 months till PMR.
3 months till Sara Chang arrives and our class trip.
4 months more to Music Camp
4 months before I either suffer or enjoy.
4 months left.

You think I'd let myself stay this way?
An antidote,
A haircut.
It made my day.

Random

2008-07-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

explain explain explain explain explain

explain explain explain explain explain

explain explain explain explain

explain explain explain

explain explain

FUN

I've lost it.

Not Dead, Not Alive

2008-07-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

As the air brushed across my pinafore,
I could literally feel the big patch of absorbed sweat on my body, ice cold,
Nevertheless each numb fingertip,
The body responded well to the cold humid weather.

It was gradual,
The impact of each word of the speech,
Couldn't be more nauseating,
body mass index, obesity, body fat percentage, muscle percentage
Food was the only thing that came to mind,
Struggling against piercing pain through the stomach,
Crying hunger,
Things went blur,
Still gradual.

A scene of an airplane arouse,
Air pressure,
Hearing deficiency,
A weak brain,
Failing to translate each word back to English,
I saw stars,
The worst yet.

Fragments of Feelings

2008-07-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

There's a great vigorous ball of energy burning ferociously between my bones and for now, is kept under control. What scares me is, it is going against my will. I've torn open a small hole, an by my doing, I've released sparks of flames. It is not time.

I'm desperately finding ways to seal it. However, not forever.

I can accomplish,
Able to accomplish,
Could have accomplish,
Accomplished?

Stepping out of the shadow is an option. Staying in it is. I can't seem to find a purpose, a reason. Why does the other half crave for freedom? Now it proves, the mind is has been screwed with the world's materialism.

We live in denial, we live with plastered masks. Like plastic shields protecting the eyes from seeing the real deal. So no longer is there a right or wrong, because whatever we see, we want. Therefore what we want may not be right. Then again, who's to judge us?

You see we humans who are made in such a complex manner are given the ability to evaluate. That's the problem. It is they who judge, criticize, condemn, discriminate, victimize, compare and find the joy of passing it from mouth to mouth.

Yes, one thing humans fail to do is evaluate. Humans can't judge you for who you really are beneath all the pretentious acts and outward appearance. You're constantly being compared. Once you've not met up to their expectations you'll be treated as trash. It is the cycle.

My Angel, What Have you Done?

2008-07-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

Diary,

Two years back.
The new phase began, good and bad. Most of it just very typical: rumors, gossiping and cliche moments all seamed into bodies of ours. As time passed, I've put behind everything I once truly believed, imagined, prayed and hoped for. Little did I know, it was merely a fantasy.

A few months later, the puzzle pieces formed a picture. One, I couldn't decipher before and finally did. It made up perfect sense, I let reality in.

Only there and then was I able to set everything behind me. In return, I unlocked the hidden angel within. This new gift gave me the life I was desperately searching, filled my soul container with emotion but set a barrier between myself and the world. Questioning it or rebelling was no option. The strength bar indicated zero.

I barely knew what the meaning of this gift was, why it was given. Since then, it shed light for me in desperate measures, in turn, keeping me emotionally unattached to others. If you'd ask me if he still exists, I couldn't answer you. That's because I need the answers.

So what is the cause? The angel or me?

I'll tell you a secret.
Blood gushes out from the deep scar cut across the chest each time I reminisce about it. Perhaps it is the fear of loosing, loosing the person you thought was that only pillow of comfort, pillar of strength, a walking diary- cut it short, your other half. With his disappearance, it drags along your hope, faith, happiness, and respect slowly one by one until all is gone but that empty soul.

Right now I fear the past.

I feel like I'm reliving the days that I never wanted in the first place.

Your love,

Amberleigh.

Ledger Error

2008-07-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

What goes to debit and credit!!!???

QUI TENG!!!

A Night to Remember

2008-06-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

So, Friday was pretty eventful.
Lets see, Cross country and Samantha Chong's farewell.
Don't make me cry...

Our annual cross country was held at Botanical Gardens, same place each year. Expected it to rain as the weather had been pretty wet previously but it didn't. Instead it was a cloudy weather very nice to run under, just enough amount of sunlight there was. Before the race, Chandini and I went up this hill, so called her secret place or something. She showed me round the place, just a little but I didn't manage to see the best part-the waterfall stream. Had to go back to where the others were. Teachers were calling. Loved the greens and how spacious it was. If only our little world could be surrounded by those same greens. If only.

The evening was spent at Sri Ananda Bahwan. (I finally spelled it right) Northern and Southern Indian cuisine. I was quite shocked as I was told not to have high expectations about the place and to my surprise, I found it very cozy -perfect to recapture moments before she ships off and begins her future. It couldn't be anywhere better.

Since the night was mainly about Sam C. I didn't really pay much attention to the food, though I distinctively remember how soft the texture of the naan was. Andria did too. haha. Just for the record, I went back again on Saturday for family dinner. Felt a tinge of embarrassment.

Basically we ate and talked. And ate.
NO. It was more than that. Way more.
It was the day we would last remember Sam as. The way she laughed, her sarcasm, her sweet smile and how her cheeks constantly flushed when she found her friends under the table scribbling on her card, only making you wanna pinch those rosy cheeks! Its all these cute adorable things that makes her her. And beneath it, I know a great friend exists.

One very hard to come by,
One which I'll have to learn let go in two weeks time.

No adjectives, no words will fully be able to describe how the night went. It went well. She enjoyed it. We all did too. Let the pictures speak. especially since someone said I lack pictures hmm...

Getting the decor ready.

Waiting for the arrival of guest.

Upon arrival.

Party began. Sam smiling.

Enjoying the food.

Entertainer of the night.

Giving a big surprise, she turned up.

Her cake saying 'Sammy Its Killing Me'

Make a wish?

Wishing you all the best.

The 'surprise' card.

And pretty much ended like this.

Here's to a friend we knew, Sam.

How I Spent My Sunday Afternoon

2008-06-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

OAT SCONES

Ingredients
½ c. vegetable oil
½ c. milk
1 ½ c. all purpose flour
1 T. baking powder
1 t. cream of tartar
1 ¼ c. instant rolled oats (uncooked)
¼ t. salt
¼ c. sugar
1 egg
1 c. resins

Method
Add oil, milk, egg to combined dry ingredients; mix just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in berries. Shape dough to form a ball. Bake on a greased cookie sheet in a 425 degree F oven for 12-15 minutes or until light golden brown.

Variations
Resins were used. Any other desired dried fruit would work.
1/4 cup of orange juice was replaced with 1/4 milk.
Orange zest was added.

Serving
Makes about 15 scones per recipe, depending on size.
Serve with ice cream, jam, butter or on its own.

Note: Too much egg wash was used. =)

Altered from Nigella Lawson's Scones Recipie

An Emerald By the Beach

2008-06-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

I've been TRYING to change my layout, as it's current state is plain enough.
Wait, I have changed it. Indeed.
Many times as a matter of fact.
But end up getting frustrated since it doesn't seem to correspond to what I want.
After altering long enough, I made my mind to just stick to the old one.
Back to square one.
Sigh.
I'm just going to wait till I straighten the codes and stuff.

And putting it aside for the moment, a long one.

Anyway, I'm glad that our class got ma'am Irene as our English teacher but she's only here for two weeks. Replacing Pn. Shida who's on MC. No one really knows what happened. And this new Canadian, Ms Erin who taught us PE was great. Absolutely the wrong day to skip I tell you. Thought we would be doing the theater contemporary dancing but who knew. She filled in for one day. And dang, she really is fit.

As for ma'am Irene, I was astonishingly shocked as she's Manda's ex-teacher from SGGS. Choral speaking mentor to be precise. Its only been one lesson with her so far and no doubt has she captivated me through body language and speech. The minute she walked into class, I knew that instant something interesting lied ahead.

She made 40 minutes seem even shorter than 15 that Monday. Using every second, she showed me how much more depth there was to English from various aspects. I can only imagine what its like after 10 days from now, how much more knowledge I would gain. Definitely one of the more senior teachers, the inspiring kind thus very hard to come by.

Though she may not be here for long, but her nine days in comparison to the sum of lessons of 90 days in school, is going to make more meaning. Come to think of it, 9 days can seem long. I certainly do look forward for tomorrow.

I Desperately Need to Hit the Brakes!

2008-06-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

The pass two weeks of school were much more relaxing. Lets see, Learning Festival, Religious Emphasis Week and Co-curricular day. And not to mention cross country the this Friday.

I'm quite happy I was actually present for RE week. Hadn't been there for the past two years come to think of it. The session was good I shall say. The emotional roller coaster ride finally ended with sense of deep secureness.

Co-curricular day ruined my Saturday. Couldn't sleep longer which pisses me. And cause I couldn't do much studying or whatsoever which turned out to be yet another unfruitful day. Anyway, it wasn't really that bad. Backwoodsman cooking, I love. Yet, alot of bickering throughout the process, adding a few more conclusions to my previous observations. no one will comprehend my hidden distress. The end product which mattered most turned out quite satisfactory, happy with how things ended up. Anyway, the champions were none other than the rangers, undeniably the most experienced out of the lot. Who could beat them honestly?

I really do hope all of this stops soon.

It just hit me.

HALF the year is over. I approximately have four months. My life is seriously accelerating too fast and I barely have the time to savor every second of it. Even though violin exam is over, great relief, but I need to switch gear. Pronto.

And the switching mode part happens to be the biggest problem. I'm loosing focus and getting distracted by basically everything unassociated with studies. URGHHH.

I find this year utterly disastrous. So messed up for whatever reason.

Did you know, according to feng shui, it states that 2008 will be a challenging year for all roosters out there? I ain't into feng shui or anything, but I remembered someone telling me this. Hmm...

Power Shot

2008-06-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

So guess what?

I had my long overdue eye checkup today.

And my power increased by 100!!!!

Just in 6 months.

O-o

Depressing.

Don't Waste Your Time Reading This

2008-06-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like an utter piece of shit right now.

List:
1. Finish reading Innocence.
2. Math homework
3. Art folio
4. Geo folio
5. Sleep
6. Violin practice
7. Finish Prison Break season 2
8. Eye checkup

Maybe the listed things above are bothering me. My eyes are itching so badly for some reason. More red than it should be. I've got a headache, feeling sick and frustrated simply because I feel tired.

Or maybe its just the fact that I've got my cousin in the house and I'm obliged to tutor him, AGAIN. And that my house concert's this weekend.

Or that I feel free for the fact I know I have lots of undone things...It doesn't sound quite right.

You won't be hearing alot from me. Adios.

Morning Blues

2008-05-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

The weekend is finally back. Exams are over and I finally can get more sleep which I've been longing ever so long..

I spent my time today watching Sugar, Cooking Under Fire and Nigella Lawson, all time favorites. Guess I'm pampering myself today cause its nice to feel that I've got loads of time in my hands. HAHA. I'm growing more fond of the TV lately. I'm right now I'm into House, Numbers, AI, Gossip Girl, Ugly Betty, Prison Break, the AFC channel =P and not to mention the one's I've yet to finish watching like say....Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill and Mae Yune DVD's!!
Going to wait for our One Tree Hill marathon during holidays. Well, if it actually happens.

I don't know what gotten into me, this TV craze. And the best part is, I've got my whole Saturday to do so. Yeaah. No plans. I just don't feel like getting my ass out of the house tomorrow.

And yet Saturday mornings can never be more gloomy. Not to say I dread having lessons but It's just that the mood ain't there. No drive. No strive. I've got about 4-5 weeks until my violin exam hits. The date and time of my exam changed to an afternoon. Joy. Technically I'm not suppose to know yet, since dear Mae spilled the beans to me. Little did I know, I'll be taking mine right after hers. How coincidental.

Every year its been in the morning. I'm so used to waking up early at 8, singing, warming up my voice, practicing, feeling as anxious as ever. And after its over, mum will take me out for ice-cream or lunch or something. And now its right smack in the middle. After lunch break meaning brunch time. So, I wake up the usual at 8 and have breakfast (hours of feeling anxious) until about 12, which I'll probably snack on again and enter the exam room feeling all full. And then I have to go to school and go home early. Its just so not right.

Seriously, I might be a little too paranoid but honestly I'm just scared. This year I feel more pressured than ever. Its suppose to reach the peak falling into place, ending it with a big bang. Got the lecture from teacher a million times-how I'm good enough, how I've always been and that it stays that way. She always gets into me. Guilt enters. And I just don't want to be a disappointment. And the slightest change may do so.

HAPPY BIRHTDAY !

2008-04-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Cherylnn!!

You've OFFICIALLY turned 15!

Or rather, a decade and a half. Gosh. That does feel old.

Haha. My turn will come anyway. XD

Anyway, this post is specially for you since I couldn't get you anything.

Just wishing you all the best this year.

Enjoy life, stay happy, and don't be so emotional yeahh.

You've got a long way ahead!

Stay young!

More of These

2008-04-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

Instructions : Remove ONE question from below and add in your personal question. Make it a total of 20 questions. Then tag EIGHT people in our list and list them down at the end of this post. Notify them in his/her chatbox that they have been tagged.

1. What are you craving now?
Honestly, my uncle's ceasar salad. Its so awesome.

2. What was the last movie you've watched?
August Rush. Absolutely entertaining for those music lovers.

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
No one specific.

4. What are you most happy with now?
My perfect looking teeth.

5. If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
Simple, a contented life.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after it rains?
Yes I do. It has been proven scientifically.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
The motivation to study and to practice the violin.

8. Why are you wasting your time doing this?
Because four people tagged me.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Depends if the person is the one I'd really go head over heels. Otherwise no. On second thought, I won't even consider confessing as I'll wait for one instead. Then I'll call the cuts. haha

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Sue Chuin - has a great sense of optimism, crazy and loyal...
Andria -generally very focused, a mugger, a listener
Sam Tang -cares for others, approachable, ability to put a smile on your face
Danielle -passionate, loving, sometimes wild

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Intelligent, someone who makes me laugh, amazing facial features, charming, rich, able to take me out to dine at the best places, preferably athletic, well basically an Edward Cullen.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
It varies.

13. What is your ambition?
Has yet to be found.

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point it out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Point it out. And if you don't, I don't really care.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God.

16. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
All of them are fun to be with.

17. What will you do when someone faints in front of you?
Search for help.

18. What makes you different?
You tell me.

19. Who would you proceed when you have problems?
Actually, I'd rather keep things to myself. But when desperate times call for desperate measures, I seek family members.

20. (edited question) What would you want to accomplish by the age of 50?
To have traveled everywhere around the world.

And now I tag:

1. Sue Ting
2.Chien Ming
3.Marcus
4.Jit Shen
5.Nicole
6.Su Lin
7.Matthew
8.Sarah

almost everyone has done these tags. how frustrating.

11th April 2008

2008-04-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

Canteen Day has finally come to an end. It indeed was enjoyable and a pleasure to run a food business which I have waited ever since my primary years. I used to stroll pass each stall and be greatly amazed by our seniors. I always thought I would be in their shoes someday.

A large crowd was here, considering it being a week day and held during school hours. Many of the ex MGS-ians came, tagging along a few friends, promoting made easier.

Honestly, the three hour sale was seemingly short. Although the clock showed 30 minutes pass closing time, we were still busy bringing in more coupons to finish up every last ounce of orange cordial we had left. Helpers running back and fourth to hand in the additions for calculation. The ice-blended sold well, even till our last breath. Things were at a rocky start but we got the gist of it from time to time. I thank everyone for this success.

And even after the long hours of standing, I had the Postal Bible Quiz to sit for. Stole 5 to 10 minutes to read the book of Acts and at least it paid off.

And also the Exposure Camp "campfire" was held after. All thanks to it being canceled last month due to riots. I basically ran out of energy then, causing our dance to be effected. Well, it didn't matter much as our patrol won prizes for the Best Campsite and the Best Logbook. Very overwhelming. I was also awarded the Best Participant award, stunned upon receiving it. And Chandini the Best PL. Congrats.

Truth to be told, I actually enjoyed the camp but in a very different manner. It wasn't enjoyment I felt, but a whole lot of self-satisfaction. I may not have been alloted to work with the best people yet but somehow accomplished to bond the members and achieve a reasonable level of teamwork. Our first few meetings are still freshly remembered, the needlework work room was indeed humid and very noisy, but our table contained absolute silence each time.

The meaning of teamwork also was made clear. As a member, the one thing you must never do is to let the team spirit down. Discontentment should be kept only by you, or shared with others who think the same. In order to achieve great teamwork you need a good amount of balance. I'm referring balance here to people. You need the one to lead, to guide, to plan. You need the person the team can rely when they are down-the motivator. You need workers-the ones who obey with no questions asked. You need a thinker-problem solver. There you have, the basics.

This camp also revealed to me the true colors of many.

The conclusion I came up with is I discovered many things and that I didn't have such a bad time ~~at all~~ after all. Think on the bright side people.

And yes, its been hell of a day.

Certainly Raising Eyebrows

2008-04-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

You might have come crossed this while reading the papers. Those who haven't. Look.

"Malaysians are debating whether Oral Me as a toothpaste brand name is sexually suggestive or not."

In the end, it all comes down to how you see it.

(taken from NST online)

A Difference, Joy

2008-04-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

BRACES REMOVED!

Sorry, no pictures. HA HA

Meet Your Foe

2008-03-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Looking pass many occurrences, generally people have tendencies to own certain obsessions for things of they love. It is only normal, no doubt. But, we have a choice, yours to make.

Obsession is synonymous to fire. When you think fire, it is monstrous, dangerous and packaged with a vigorous flame burning off every ounce of kerosene spoon-fed to it. Starts of friendly and useful but once abused, it unveils blue or white flames indicating fire at its peak. The journey has just begun, spreading to the innocent like a cheetah set free into the jungle, destroying everything in its way. Obsession is no different.

Its source comes from a more subtle phase, passion: the undeniable love, an outburst of emotion, a compelling fondness and attachment to an unspoken desire, and yet detached by a boundary. Having passions cannot be more overwhelming. It fills in life's blanks and completes you as a person. Everybody must seek it. But bear in mind, passion is never the cause of obsession. It is never the reason we act the way we do. We become the judges.

Passion emerges to obsession when we've made the decision unintentionally to overboard the boundaries set. Our fault that is. It is a tool of destruction, just like fire.

If its the way you look or the way you dress, or your idol plastered right across the television screen, or your flaming passion for music, books and sports, or even the person you'll love the most? Remember, moderateness will lead you further. It will allow you achieve more than just happiness and open your heart for a more contented life.

In today's world, we have so much on our plate and constantly struggle to keep it all in place. Nevertheless do we stop to ponder. Or to even think if obsession lives in us. Sometimes we never realise until told. Worse still if it is never found. Therefore analyse yourself. Head to toe.

Obsession kills.

For Better or for Worse?

2008-03-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

Countless number of riotous days are certainly no breather for me. The minute I step into the hallways of my home, NO-I do not plop onto the sofa and have a nap, instead I have a soothing shower and head straight to tuition or either end up in the study appearing shocked that I have absolutely no homework to do. Having an unfocused mind, daily revision is set aside. Although my tiredness tries to overpower the body, I make it a point not to have afternoon naps as it kills the sleeping routine. You can shut me up with a pillow. And 7 to 8 hours of sleep is still not sufficient.

I bet some of you feel the same way as I do. Everything is happening at such a rapid pace, especially this year, being more involved with the surroundings.

Here's a fact: I detest changes. Moreover sudden ones. I love how the way things are, were and used to be. Certain ethics and traditions just ought to be kept.

Simply In Love

2008-03-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

This song is great.
No one plays it better than Jacqueline Du Pre.
Enjoy.

Exposure Camp

2008-03-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

I seriously can't stop getting more tan. I haven't de-tanned myself from last year's camp and I've already got my second session. Eheh. Was it worth it? Maybe

Exposure Camp ended with a twist. A three day two night stay became a one night thing. Mum just appeared at GGA all of a sudden and demanded me to go home because there were riots at Komtar that afternoon and parents being worry worts, safety comes first. And so I had to leave abruptly, despite me longing to stay. Man Ying, Nicole and I were rehearsed our dance routine so hard and to think that camp fire had to be cancelled. Oh how disappointing. That night was suppose to be the highlight of camp.

But I guess you could say we had ours. Barbecue night, splendid. After a long day of being parted, most of us joined other patrols and helped to cook. Our fire had it's ups and downs. But we had two stoves. So it didn't matter much.

At night, we slept in the badminton court since it rained. We waited patiently for teacher to finish patrolling and it was never ending. We didn't bother much about teacher and proceeded as planned. Talking and being updated about our current lives until 2am was indeed interesting. Charmaine and I retold ghost stories while Steph and Man Ying, uninterested, freaked out rather, went on with conversations of their own. Well, while we were engaged deeply into one of the stories, we both noticed a white figure. Me being dependant on spectacles made the scenario worse and the storyteller was simply blinded by the darkness. We both freaked out and soon had our lungs turned inside out only to find it was 'Grace bin Laden' in a long white robe she wore during the fashion show. The worst part was, we couldn't ruin the night's silence with laughter and had to cover up our sound waves which ended up sounding like pigs snorting. The other two joined us. Haha. What a blast.

Backwoodsman was on the second day, after a very lame morning exercise-everybody loosing balance-and camp site inspection, which wasn't so bad as expected. Phoenix patrol's food rocked. Didn't managed to food taste other patrol's dishes since I got carried away with ours. XD
It was considered good since only I brought the food and seasoning. For once I let her take charge and not bother, look where it got. Lesson learnt.

Cabaran and syok time really made me loosen up. Especially when we played ice breakers and I had to guess the person behind the plastic sheet. One, two, three "STamEPH!" Who knew? It was Steph. We said our names together and ended up arguing like maniacs. She said my name over and over and I did the same but with hers. It was a draw. So much for the shouting. I've got a sore throat Steph. How's yours? haha

Barbecue Night

Patrol Banner

EQ and Shoe Rack

Disposable Unit

Campfire will be postponed to one of these days, so I hope the effort made won't go to waste.
Go Phoenix!

Throwing Cautions to the Wind?

2008-03-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

Monthly exams have ended all right, but I'm not feeling any more relaxed. You could even say more stressed. Exposure Camp is held this Thurs to Sat not forgetting pre-camp and Sports Day around the corner. Preparations kill me to my bones.

I am duty bound to these 'unimportant' activities I have back to back, "one overlapping another and never-ending" quote Mother.

I got a bloody freaking 45 minute lecture today. Explaining why I didn't turn up for Sharon's and also the transport issue. In that duration, my phone beeped and the urge of unlocking the door, running to Sharon's with bare feet came about when Meg sms-ed. Hated the feeling. Instead I was left in the room trying to dispose the information thrown towards me from my brain.

You know, apparently I'm not able to handle this stress and you've got it all wrong. Its more like I can't take listening to unnecessary and repeated rants everyday. I am only human. And what makes me even more pissed is when the shingles issue was brought up. Listen: I've healed completely and it resulted from lack of sleep, staying awake until the wee hours and it absolutely has nothing to do with the amount of things I have in my hands. Not everything is crammed into a month mind you so don't act as if it does. I am seriously more capable than you think I am. I need the support here. And I'm sorry if whatever I do INVOLVES you, eating up your time, but no one said I wasn't appreciative. So why did you bring me here in the first place? Blame yourself because I couldn't choose my genes.

You do think I am throwing cautions to the wind, risking both PMR and my G8 results with additional amusement. This time I agree fully with you but I really couldn't careless. I feel as if my energy has been sucked up this gigantic energy sucking ball, making me no longer bothered.

I had my holidays planned out but it's all gone. I was suppose to watch Step Up 2 with people, but people couldn't go. Steph was the exception but, she ditched me as well. HAHA
KL. Shopping haven. Gone too. Sharon's, need I say more?

And now I can't have dance rehearsal tomorrow just because cleaners are coming to the house. What kind of reason is that!!!!??? I'm no match for her hierarchy. Now I have to reschedule everything just because of that insanely outrageous decision.

Twilight

2008-02-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

When you have
Robert Pattinson

and combine

Kristen Stewart

you get

The Perfect Edward and Bella!

Facts about Edward
1. His full name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen
2. Born on the 20th June 1901 (106 years but looks 17)
3. 6'2"
4. Species: Vampire
5. Has black/golden eyes (originally green though)
6. He plays the piano and collects cars
7. Can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour
8. Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14 and Edward has 7
9. Best description; dazzling
10. A mind reader
11. Owns a silver Volvo S60R and a silver Aston Martin V12
12. Has an amazing jawline and don't forget that intense glare

Facts about Bella
1. Her full name is Isabella Marie Swan
2. Born on the 13th of September 1987 (17-18 years)
3. 5'4"
4. Approximately 115 pounds (52.3kg)
5. Large chocolate-brown eyes
6. Species: Human
7. Has a habit of biting nails
8. Extremely accident prone
9. Has a very private mind
10. Owns a red 1953 Chevrolet Pickup Truck

Vehicles THEY own.

Edward's

The Volvo S60R

The Aston Martin V12

Bella's

The Chevrolet Pickup Truck

Last but not least, the Cullens.

L to R: Emmet, Rosalie, Esme, Edward, Charlie, Alice and Jasper

And the cast is as shown. (imcomplete)

the best picture I could find with most of the characters
click here for the full cast

Twilight the movie will be released on the 12th of December 2008, filmed in Forks itself. I've decided not to post any more pictures because I'll ruin the spark of the show. This movie is going to be awesome. Temptation kills.

Suckish Dinner

2008-02-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm hungry.

Raw salmon, prawns, oysters covered with mozzarella cheese, stir fried beef, grilled goat-meat, pancakes and ice-cream were just flashed INTO my face. No pork. Its all halal. What a waste seriously. Frankly, I gobbled down a few slices of goat covered in mushroom sauce and I got a '@#$%^' in the car from mum when I told her so. But all in all, Konichi's concert was great, except for the meals. (only applied to me). Looks like I'll be absent from school again people. Until this rash subsides and me being able to have proper meals.

One tablet of medication left.

And I can't seem to find my Math2. I'm going to be screwed. Whoever borrowed my book or do happen to see it, notify me.

And I should say beforehand: Thanks SamT for making me feel un-handicapped so far.

Note This

2008-02-22T15:20:00.000-08:00

Dates for PMR 2008:

October 13, 14, 15 + November 4, 5

Like whaaa!? Look at the gap; 20 days!
I can already picture myself watching Prison Break.
People, we have ample time.

A Testimony

2008-02-21T13:30:00.000-08:00

I heard a very interesting testimony yesterday. Coming from the most unexpected; my tuition teacher.

She similar to me in many ways. Being brought up in the same environment and such. But, in comparison, mine was not so exorbitant. Her family was heavily involved with, well she used a term which can't seem to get to mind, but lets just say, demon possession. A house full of idols and funny looking antiques explained her immediate goose-bumps just by glancing. Also describing that the water in the glass would vibrate just like it would during an earthquake and a male's voice transposing into a girl's. She would then hide under a table with her eyes shut and hear the procedure take place everyday.

The point is, she had a very special gift, the ability to hear from both God and the Devil. I guess it's been a tough life for her since the age of 9. Upon walking to school everyday, she would pass by a church and hear God's calling. She often stood outside the church not entering because the fear of her parents whom restricted religious rights took over. But the most interesting thing to hear was, the first time being brought to church was by her very own father. Truly amazing.

Dreams occurred frequently and for that age, crying to sleep was the only solution. It soon wore off years later as she began to feel a strong yet gentle presence. She once dreamt of being forced to bow down to an idol, black and hollow. A kingdom was shown to her with many more statues sized of a regular human and people kneeling. It gave a meaning of come join me. Sadly she never told me the ending to that story.

Her parents are less active in carrying out those procedures but it doesn't change their belief's. She's working on that.

For a 15 minute chat, much had been said though I'm quite positive there's more to it. I'll come in with an empty folder next week. Cheers.

Torture Takes Its Name

2008-02-20T00:30:00.000-08:00

The rash never subsided nevertheless did it hurt. It was only until today my mum took a look. After examining it carefully, she insisted for me to go to the clinic.

The same process reoccurred , but this time only faster. The doctor made a direct statement:

Lu sa chua liao. (shingles) My heart sank.

I immediately thought about the pain I would have to go through upon remembering mum's experience she told me before. I took my seat with dismay. No attention was made to the conversation being held in the room. Well, not until I saw the nurse who placed a syringe on the table. Great, a jab.

It wasn't painful or anything of that sort though my arm felt utterly numb. I soon found myself listening intently to what the Mr. Lee had to say. Apparently, for people who have been through chicken pox, the virus is still in our body, just waiting to be activated and takes action when our body resistance is low. Lack of sleep and the hot weather are contributing factors. It begins with a rash but if properly taken care of, it will subside by 10 days. My grandmother told me people used to believe once the eyes (the rash that moves in pairs, looking like eyes) makes a full circle round a part of the body or a belt-like pattern, the person will die. It freaked me out a little, but yes, people may die from shingles. But I think it is caused by the agonizing pain they have to encounter.

I felt even more devastated when I was told not to run for MSSPP tomorrow. My thoughts drifted. In some ways, I was pissed because I've been enthusiastic about it. Why are things so coincidental? So far, I've missed numerous activities due to unforeseen circumstances. For example, this. I wish my team mates the best of luck.

Making matters worse, I've got to follow a strict diet of ONLY:
Pork and Vegetables.

Why pork? Seriously, even chicken or fish is not allowed. GRR. I wish it was lamb cause I would have been able to eat lamb shank or even lamb curry for dinner. Vegetables are good in fact. I've already requested for caesar salad for dinner today. Ahhh...Just like heaven.

All this has to last for a week. Going to probably be feeding on bak kua as a snack everyday. Sigh. This is depressing. Oh crap. That reminds me, Konichii's function. The beef! Gone. Damn.

This is so not worth it, though you might think I'll be able to skip school. The pain on my body had already begun. It feels like stabbing pain, fat needles, but only on a smaller scale. Though it will increase from time to time.

I'm going to rest. Sleep is supposed to help.
Signing out.

Rants

2008-02-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

ITS EXACTLY...
two more weeks until exams hit,
unopened books have yet to bet touched,
and I need to get a new test pad.

House practice was great,
Cheerleading was tiring.
But fun.
Flyers murdered basses.
Flyers murdered themselves too.
Everyone will be having sore arms tomorrow.
Especially the spotters.
Sleep well.

Long jump made my feet hurt.
Brutally bruised.
Rough sand.
Hard surface.
The plank which wasn't even embedded into the sand.
Get the picture.
The pit needs a serious makeover.

Engaged into many interesting conversations today,
Stopped and made me ponder about things,
Realised I should no longer glance only the surface,
But take more notice of details.

Found out Msspp is this Thursday.
its so freaking closeby
Training was cancelled today.
We don't have time.

And I hear mum with her usual routine.

Its time to say,
sayonara.

A Personality Description

2008-02-16T03:24:00.001-08:00

I am always fascinated by numerology's, though I don't quite believe them. To me, it just seems pretty interesting. You know, a way to pass time besides going to the same old boring sites. Ended up spending my whole afternoon on this. It does eat up time. I'll cut to the chase, there you go.

AMELIA YEOH JIA MIN

There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 78
There are 9 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Latin	Female	Industrious. Striving.
German	Female	Variant of Amelia: From the Old German Amalburga, meaning labour and the Latin Aemilia.
English	Female	Industrious. Striving.

Your number is: 6

The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:
The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

I found some parts of it rather accurate. Only some mind you. Other's were...well, the exact opposites. But this site matched the most. People out there who don't know me well, here's a start. And for those who do, any opinions?

Learning Festival

2008-02-15T06:23:00.000-08:00

Today was the last time I had a good look at him. We all took our turns. I saw tears and red eyes on faces of many. Somehow I didn't feel that way. I sensed peace. I have a strong feeling he is safe, under the watchful eyes of God.

Friday-results are out.
Consolation for duet. I could say that I'm satisfied, considering what happened on stage. It was indeed an experience. At least we got a trophy.

The Drama entitled The Heart Brings You Back won third placing, comprised of 3B and 3H students.

I was unable to share and experience the joy today, but I was just as anxious as the rest of you were. Clinging on to my hand phone, waiting patiently for that sms. To be honest, someone informed me we would get a placing, so receiving the news wasn't the biggest surprise. Anyhow, I am more than delighted upon the results. Though some of you are missing here, this is all i got; people who made this happen:

The emo's, preps and serial killers.

Up for next year?

Morning Call

2008-02-13T01:07:00.000-08:00

I have planned on getting a blog many months before this but...Wallah! Here it is. Finally ticked off something from my 2008 list. To everyone who pestered me to do so, you can stop now. And...no spamming. You know who you are. But that won't probably work either. What the heck...Still new to this and i'll try to figure out the codes and stuff. I've got lots to do.

I will proceed.

I woke up for school today not by the usual ring i hear every morning but my sister's loud entrance through the bedroom door uttering the words kong kong passed away. I took a moment to recollect and process those words through my subconscious brain. I got dressed for school in a blur. Of all days i tell myself; learning festival.

I felt much better in school though. All the havoc and preparation for both the drama and duet competition drifted my focus. This was the first time everyone actually worked successfully TOGETHER and managed to pull off the drama unlike the past years which resulted no commitment and lack of actors. We ended up having nothing for show. I feel it could maybe be due to the people? Well, things do change and the drama crew for 2008 rocked! (3b). It was better than expected. Much better. Trying to stay positive here though some things could definitely be worked at. We've got next year. now pretty boy. It still rings. Still can't believed I played 'Lee'. LOL. On the other hand, things went a little haywire for the duet. It was pretty last minute so, I won't say much. It's over. We've done our best. Results are on Friday!

Today's wake was fine. Relatives gathered, indulging themselves deeply into conversations. I still feared looking into the big brown box, decorated with shiny gold metal engravings. It reminded me of my aunt three years back. The exact same feeling arouse. I'm relieved though, he managed to make it through the days since Youthwave. He hung in there for quite sometime. Prayers really do work. Rest In Peace.

And just for the record,
Sorry guys, i can't go to Baskin's. =)
I'd love to, but I can't.

So much for the first post.